Turning Over a New Leaf

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That is what they say for new beginnings, for re-inventing yourself, for moving on.  I haven't written in a few days (a week to be exact), as I have been going through a lot over here.  I went back and forth on whether I should be sharing this with the open web, the world...will you judge me? is it the time or place to write about this? will I be embarrassed?

The thing is, I have shared a lot of personal information with you in the past couple of weeks, and this isn't something to be embarrassed by, it isn't something I should be taking personal - or something anyone should judge me for - so I am sharing in this post, and perhaps some follow up posts (not quite sure how this is all going to shake out), that I am now one of the 8.3% of the nation who is unemployed.

As a part of a larger lay off (I have heard 60 or so), I was let go last Wednesday morning.  There was no warning, no severance, no anything.  This all came as a complete shock!  I was told of my "terms of separation" from Company X, like it was a divorce, and handed a check for some vacation days accrued - my alimony (I have never mentioned my company specifically on here, and as upset as I am, I will continue to not mention any information on them going forward).  There was nothing personal, as it was a reduction of workforce, but for some reason, I just can't seem to accept that right now.  I am a very hard worker, always have been and always will be.  I don't like to fail...in fact, I rarely do.  To me, this feels like a complete failure...like getting an F on that final paper and just miss passing the class - or making it to mile 17 of a marathon and not being able to go any further, after all of that training.

I was a great student, I got my MBA, I got a great job and I try and I push to succeed at what I put my heart to - but I didn't here, I stumbled at some point, and fell off the course.

I know this will be a blessing in disguise...I know there will be a silver lining...but I am having a tough time right now.  I want to expand my horizons, I want to break into a new role, a new passion, but everything is a little overwhelming right now.  It is difficult to take a week to not think of this, as this is in the back, middle, front of my mind at all times.  I should be filling my days with things I have always wished I had to do in the middle of the day, but even those things don't fill the day, don't fill the void.

This post is an attempt to be honest with you, with myself...to write this all down and accept it, so I can move on, look for the next move, the next step, and go back to feeling like I have a purpose when I wake up in the morning, like I am helping others to feel as full of life and knowledge to share as me. 

Here's to new beginnings, re-inventing myself and turning over a new leaf...